Thursday, April 8, 2010

In The Dark

Nothing makes a person feel stupid quite like having the electricity turned off. This happened in my house today, which, as I predicted a sentence ago, led to me feeling stupid. It may have had a lasting, damaging effect on my writing skills, as I am not making sense even to myself now.

Every entrance into a darkened room is a sad ordeal. Instinctively, I flip the light switch on, only to be surprised at its ineffectiveness. The second spent squeezing the answer to this puzzle out of my mind grapes is overshadowed by the lingering minutes of sanity-doubt. Seriously, I just tried to turn this light on like two minutes ago. It doesn't work.

Since my bathroom is in the basement and has no windows, any cleaning ritual now carries the difficulty of a Survivor elimination challenge. Shaving without looking will make you feel fourteen again faster than nervously entering a dank locker room, or watching an actual Survivor elimination challenge. Brushing one's teeth should not be at all harder without lights, but it is. I didn't even take a shower today; I just put on a hat.

Other than that, everything's cool as long as you don't mind living in the 1930's. Want to warm some food up? I guess you should try to start it on fire. Want to find out some information? Have fun at the library and/or in your ignorance. Want to log your misadventures in lacking electricity for others to enjoy? Sorry, it will only reach people within yelling distance. Want to call the cops on your incredibly loud neighbor? Sorry, you'll... wait I guess the phones still work. Want to send a squad car to the house of that guy rambling really loudly to no one? Okay, yeah, the cars work too. Want to get into a loud argument with the police about freedom of speech vs. disturbance of the peace, resulting in violence? Yeah I'm in jail now.