"Oh, I'm feeling just dandy."
No matter the situation, this phrase always contains the same sentiment. A similar rule seems to apply to any phrase containing the word "swell." Despite their utility as positive descriptors, their only utterances overflow with sarcasm. As the days of these words' popular usages fades further into the past, people who do not understand sarcasm might become incredibly confused; the fact that no method exists to portray sarcasm on the internet or in a text message will only exacerbate the problem.
"It's a balmy four degrees outside!"
Despite making this joke regularly, I actually had to look up the definition of the word "balmy." Since I've only heard it used with thick sarcasm on frigid days, it could, when used seriously, define any quality other than coldness. For all I knew, anything from just above freezing to the surface of the Sun could be accurately described as balmy.
Again, imagine those incapable of understanding sarcasm. Ignorance of the exact meanings of these words doesn't matter to me, because I never use them genuinely. Sarcasm-impaired individuals can only interpret and use words genuinely. If they insert these words into their vocabularies without the proper sarcastic tone, which they would see no reason not to do, they will sound like lunatics. Remember to read these with complete sincerity.
"I felt really swell this morning so I decided to call in sick."
"The track meet has been cancelled due to balminess."
"My relationship with my wife has been really dandy lately. We're getting a divorce. "