Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Pro-nuhn-see-ey-shun

What is the name of that country we've been at war in for a while? Knowing the answer pales in comparison to saying it correctly.

Until a few years ago, most would respond with I-rack. Once it had to be discussed more often than Americans would prefer to dwell on any poor country, smart guys everywhere started telling us we were doing it wrong. "NO LONG I! NO RACK! E-ROCK ONLY! Final Destination." In the future, the old pronunciation will only be used in movies to show who is ignorant, much like Forrest Gump's "Vietnayum," or Larry the Cable Guy's words.

If I were a TV journalist, I would buck all countries-between-Syria-and-Iran-pronunciation trends. The first syllable of the old version and the second syllable of the new would combine Voltron-style to produce the unbeatable powerhouse that is I-rock. Using the marvel that is journalistic self-obsession, my version will spread like wildfire. Enabling newscasters to tell viewers of their own greatness for a living, Iraq-themed stories would dominate all news shows.

By the way, no one cares how you pronounce Afghanistan.

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